You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
