Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
