He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
