my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
