another moral hangover. fuck.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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