I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up under a house in Key West
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