dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
