you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
