smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
