Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
