I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
