Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
