i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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