You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
