i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
