i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
