Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
