it hurts more in the daytime
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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