I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize