im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
