I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
