dude i'm inner monologue high
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
