Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm jealous of your bromance
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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