Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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