Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
