**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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