Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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