A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
