just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
