I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize