Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
