...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
