smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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