3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
