Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
