there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
