dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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