i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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