It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
