I'm going to jail i love you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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