its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
