I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize