A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
