I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
honey bunches of taint.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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