the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
