you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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