My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's shark week go big or go home
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
