He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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