it was like eating out sand paper
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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