Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
