Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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