I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
