I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
