I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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