That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
