don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
