took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
