I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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