i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize