make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
