An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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