He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
