so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
