I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
