so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
